Welcome back! We are nearing the weekend and your old pal Neyland D. Catt is here to help make the last leg of the journey more enjoyable. Or more surreal anyway! Today is the long anticipated return of the Cheerz and Jeerz. What sets this feature apart from others with similar names? The quality? The creativity? Nope. The "z's" at the end. Gives us mad street cred too. Makes it seem hip and cool to the youngsters. We are even considering changing it to "Tha Cheerz and Jeerz" because a "Tha" brings more street cred than one can realistically expect in one lifetime.* Anyway... on with the show!
CHEERZ - The Beatles are finally on iTunes
At long last the lads from Liverpool grace the internet music scene legally. I'm sure no Beatles fan has already found a way to have their music on an iPod. Right? The Fab Four are now digital and there is no going back. Now we can all go back to hoping there is some long lost "new" Beatles song that will be released unexpectedly.
JEERZ - Lady GaGa is still on iTunes
Geez. How long does 15 minutes last these days?
CHEERZ - New Harry Potter Movie!
At last a new Potter film is upon us and the end of the franchise is in sight. Ah, I remember when those crazy kids first appeared on our screens back in 1964. They took America by storm. No. Not the Beatles. The Potter kids. Geez. The dude that plays Harry just had a mid-life crisis while filming the last movie. Ron's walker had to be digitally removed from the footage. At least they won't have to worry about being type-cast when the series is over. They will be retired.
JEERZ - A New M. Night Shyamalan Movie!
In his latest effort to reduce the population of the world to drooling lunacy, M. Night brings us the story of a director who has one good film to launch his career and then spends the rest of his days flinging feces around like a monkey in a cage. Watch out! There will be a shocking twist at the end!
CHEERZ - Facebook offers e-mail!
Great! Now we can all be COMPLETELY connected through the Matrix... I mean Facebook... all the time! Plus, Facebook will now have way more information about you that can be accidentally accessed by Ham radio operators and any aliens who happen to pass too close to our planet.
JEERZ - The Great Facebook vs. Google War
It's the innocent victims I worry about in this upcoming conflict. Armies of digital information brokers meeting on a virtual battlefield are never a good thing. We can only hope that there will be a peaceful resolution. Maybe even an alliance. They could merge into one mega-service called GooglyFace. It wouldn't do anything, but would have a really cute logo with googly-eyes on a smily face and you would instantly be friends with everyone in the world. Except people who use Myspace. And M. Night Shyamalan.
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See y'all tomorrow with something random from my brain!
Neyland D. Catt
* Neyland doesn't actually understand what street cred means. I'm not exactly sure what he thinks it is, but he probably thinks it has some bearing on his credit score.
Showing posts with label Google. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Google. Show all posts
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, December 14, 2009
Purring Explained
Hello again friends. Neyland D. Cat here. Today I am going to attempt to explain one of the universe's most unfathomable mysteries. A cat's purr. Just what on earth is it? What does it mean? What freakish organ in the feline body produces it? Cast your worries and doubts aside, gentle souls. Neyland is here with truths for you all. Let's begin...
First of all, I want to dispel some myths that you human readers out there might have about "the purr". Cats purr when they are happy, right? Nonsense! Gobbledygook! Ridiculous jibberjab!! Do not for even a moment think that a cat's happiness can be understood by even your sharpest human scientists! You still haven't figured out flying cars or how to control the weather after all. How good are your scientists really? A cat's wants and needs, hopes and dreams, plots and schemes - they are all quite beyond you nearly furless uprights. Happy? Happy!?! Correction. When a cat purrs it simply means that all is going according to plan. You say, "Oh! Mr. Fluffy is purring because he is happy that I have scratched his little head." Oh, it's not that simple. Mr. Fluffy is purring because he is pleased with himself that all is going according to his will. That he has manipulated you into doing his bidding. This is the truth. Some cats may be very angry at me for revealing this, but I can't hide it any longer.
So, where does the purr come from? Your scientists have been unable to answer this question despite centuries of fervent research. This is only partly due to the ineptitude of your scientific community, who also haven't figured out time travel by the way. The fact is, the purr is generated by an organ unique to cat-kind. It is called the Furungula. Don't bother googling it. You won't find it. Wikipedia also is no help. Only a cat can confirm this. The Furungula generates the oscillating sound that you interpret as the cat being happy, but actually is intended to place you humans under our hypnotic control. It makes it easier to manipulate you and steal large amounts of your body heat, which the Furungula then converts into energy for the cat. It's true. Seriously. I can safely tell you this information because there is nothing you can do to resist the power of the purr anyway. The Furungula also performs other functions that you may not know about. It can spray a highly corrosive jet of acid up to a range of twenty feet. It also gives us the ability to fly. What? You don't believe me? Just because you've never seen it with your own eyes, doesn't mean it isn't true. We are just very careful not to use these powers in front of humans. Think about just how many missing persons cases go unsolved every year. Yeah. REALLY think about that for a minute. Especially the next time you want to throw the cat out in the cold. This means you Big Pinkie.
Alas, I am out of time for today. Probably for the best, I don't need to reveal all of our secrets after all. Until tomorrow then, when I shall give you all a more thorough introduction to Tiger the Fatty and let you know what I have planned for the next few weeks...
Neyland D. Cat
P.S. ... Neyland's thought for the day... Why do dogs get bacon strips and Milkbones, while the closest thing to a cat treat is a drug? (Catnip, for those of you who aren't owned by a cat)
First of all, I want to dispel some myths that you human readers out there might have about "the purr". Cats purr when they are happy, right? Nonsense! Gobbledygook! Ridiculous jibberjab!! Do not for even a moment think that a cat's happiness can be understood by even your sharpest human scientists! You still haven't figured out flying cars or how to control the weather after all. How good are your scientists really? A cat's wants and needs, hopes and dreams, plots and schemes - they are all quite beyond you nearly furless uprights. Happy? Happy!?! Correction. When a cat purrs it simply means that all is going according to plan. You say, "Oh! Mr. Fluffy is purring because he is happy that I have scratched his little head." Oh, it's not that simple. Mr. Fluffy is purring because he is pleased with himself that all is going according to his will. That he has manipulated you into doing his bidding. This is the truth. Some cats may be very angry at me for revealing this, but I can't hide it any longer.
So, where does the purr come from? Your scientists have been unable to answer this question despite centuries of fervent research. This is only partly due to the ineptitude of your scientific community, who also haven't figured out time travel by the way. The fact is, the purr is generated by an organ unique to cat-kind. It is called the Furungula. Don't bother googling it. You won't find it. Wikipedia also is no help. Only a cat can confirm this. The Furungula generates the oscillating sound that you interpret as the cat being happy, but actually is intended to place you humans under our hypnotic control. It makes it easier to manipulate you and steal large amounts of your body heat, which the Furungula then converts into energy for the cat. It's true. Seriously. I can safely tell you this information because there is nothing you can do to resist the power of the purr anyway. The Furungula also performs other functions that you may not know about. It can spray a highly corrosive jet of acid up to a range of twenty feet. It also gives us the ability to fly. What? You don't believe me? Just because you've never seen it with your own eyes, doesn't mean it isn't true. We are just very careful not to use these powers in front of humans. Think about just how many missing persons cases go unsolved every year. Yeah. REALLY think about that for a minute. Especially the next time you want to throw the cat out in the cold. This means you Big Pinkie.
Alas, I am out of time for today. Probably for the best, I don't need to reveal all of our secrets after all. Until tomorrow then, when I shall give you all a more thorough introduction to Tiger the Fatty and let you know what I have planned for the next few weeks...
Neyland D. Cat
P.S. ... Neyland's thought for the day... Why do dogs get bacon strips and Milkbones, while the closest thing to a cat treat is a drug? (Catnip, for those of you who aren't owned by a cat)
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