Summer Is Over??

I just found out through my sources that Tuesday was the last day of Summer. Why wasn't this a big deal?? I should have been notified! Seriously? Tuesday was the last day of summer? Ever??

I called Tiger, Anime, and Gracie in for a meeting to discuss how this was going to affect us. Plans would have to be made! Whatever happened to Global Warming?? I thought Summer would pretty much last forever because Big Pinkie doesn't have a hybrid!

My little clan filed in with trepidation to hear my news. They get spooked when I call meetings. Gracie in particular. I didn't include Big Pinkie or The Lady as they really have noting to contribute and would probably just patronize me. The following s a transcript of the meeting:

Me: Alright guys, I have called you here on a matter of grave importance. Gracie! Come back! You haven't even heard what its about yet!

Gracie: Sorry.

Me: I have bad news. Summer is gone.

Tiger: What do you mean, gone?

Me: It's something called Fall now. Summer is gone and I don't know if its coming back.

Gracie: Aaagh!

Me: Oookay. We've lost Gracie. I guess its up to us to figure this out.

Tiger: Are we going to run out of food?

Me: I wish I could tell you that we weren't buddy, but I just don't know. What I do know is that it is getting colder. You know what that means.

Tiger: The big ball of fire in the sky is going out again?

Me:  Stop.  Just let me talk.  Maybe you should eat something to calm down.  No, I don't think the temperature has anything to do with the ball of fire.   I think this means my arch-nemesis is back in town... Old Man Winter!

Gracie (from bedroom): Aaagh!

Me: Yes. Its very frightening. I don't want to have to do it, but I think this means I will have to meet him face to face for a final showdown. I hope that I can count on all of you for support... yes? Anime? You have something to say?

Anime: This happens every year you dingbat. Like when Big Pinkie and The Lady go on vacation? There is a Summer every year and there is a Fall every year. If you had anything remotely resembling long-term memory you would know that. How do you remember all of that other crap about celebrities and stuff and not remember that the seasons change?

Me: Ah. Well. This changes things a bit doesn't it? Meeting adjourned. Get away from my food dish fatty.

***************

I shared this with all of you at the risk of great personal embarrassment. I did so because I feel sure that there are other cats out there who might not have been aware of this. Unlike Little Miss Know It All Anime. Stupid Anime with her freakish memory.

See you tomorrow.

Neyland

What does Global Warming have to do with cats?

So here I am, basking in the last fading shaft of sunlight, thinking about Global Warming. This subject came up earlier in the day when Big Pinkie starting ranting on and on about it. Blah, blah, blah, climate change, blah. I nodded off once I realized he wasn't addressing me personally, but I couldn't help thinking about it again later. I decided that it would be invaluable for you all to have a cat's perspective on the matter. Who better than myself, with the application of such a nimble mind and inimitable wit to give you.... sorry. Lost my whole train of thought there. A bird flew past the window. A plump bird that was just a bit slower than the others... I'm digressing again.

Back to the subject at hand. Global Warming. As a cat, I personally see no issue with the prospect. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a cat to get warm even in the best of conditions? We spend most of our time trying to pin down a human so we can leech away all of their body heat. That's not even considering what it's like for those who spend their days outdoors like animals! Poor souls.

I realize though, that you nearly-furless uprights might have a different view of the problem. After all, you really don't have anything left to shed when the temp starts rising and nobody really wants to see your flesh flapping around. The solution, I think, is obvious. Turn the temperature back down. Why is it so hard for you to figure that out? Just like last night, when the wind was blowing like a tornado and the rain was hammering down and I wanted to go outside. Big Pinkie comes and opens the door, then gets furious when I didn't go out. "He keeps scratching at the door but won't go out when I open the door!" he screamed. Well, obviously, I wanted to go out, but not in those conditions. Why didn't he just turn off the rain? Don't act like you humans can't do it. I see it all the time. That little rain booth in the crapper for instance.

Anyway, I'm sure I had a point around here somewhere. Call me if you find it because it seems to have escaped me. Ah. Yes. So, from a cat's perspective we want more warming. So, I have concocted a scheme to build a spaceship. I will call it Cat Star One. I will fly this wondrous rocket into the stratosphere (dare I say Catosphere?) and will claw a gigantic hole in your precious oh-zone layer. Upon reading this plan over my shoulder, Big Pinkie proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. That's right Big Pinkie, just keep laughing. Keep laughing.



Till the morrow good friends when I will tell you all about the Biggest Loser,

Neyland D. Cat