Neyland's Holiday Gift Guide!

Welcome back my festive friends!  Neyland D. Catt back up in your holiday grills!  I know that everyone is preparing for the jolly fat man (no, not John Goodman) so I decided I would give everyone a hand in the final stretch run.  I have compiled a compelling list of holiday gifts that you should purchase for your loved ones immediately.  Sadly, the Neyland D. Catt cologne gift set was not ready in time for the holidays.  Without further ado, because I'm sick of ado, here it is...



1. Wintersmith - by Terry Pratchett

This is nothing short of a classic.  Terry Pratchett is a master of combining
sharp witted humor with compelling characters and an engrossing plot.
There is simply no other author that I would whole-heartedly recommend
to any reader.  The man is funny.  I mean devastatingly funny.  But, he also
makes you think a little bit and care about the characters.  He achieves all
of this without being a cat.  Go figure.  He does, however, have a cat in this
story.  Not prominently, but still, it makes a great tale even better!

2.  A Christmas Monkey

That's right.  A Christmas Monkey.  Most people
aren't aware that this product is available.  What
child wouldn't want to unwrap their very own
screeching, carousing, poop-flinging Christmas
Monkey?  Just be sure to leave air-holes in the box
when you wrap it.  And keep a baseball bat handy
in case he gets a little crazy.

3. Ultimate Werewolf: Ultimate Edition

This is a fantastic party game that tests your ability to bluff
your friends and family.  A good poker face is invaluable.
It's not Christmassy, but it IS loads of fun...
The concept is simple: You are a group of villagers who are
plagued by werewolves.  The problem: some of you are the
werewolves.  The villagers must deduce who they are before it's too late!  Pick this up for anyone who likes games from
Diceheadgames.com.  I promise you will love it.  And I'm not the werewolf.

4. Your very own Mountain Dew and Beer Christmas Tree

Don't act like you don't want one.  I know you ARE that tacky. I wanted to order one last week, but Big Pinkie vetoed it.  He claimed that just being near that much Mountain Dew would give him more kidney stones.  Two drawbacks to this truly great work of art:  It's hard to get lights on it and people might drink your tree.











5. A cat elf costume.

Ha.  Please don't actually buy this one.  Trust me.  It's never as cute as you think it's going to be.  You will regret it as your cat shows it's displeasure in a variety of horrifying ways.


Okay.  That's enough product placement for one post.  Come back tomorrow for my interview with Frosty the Snowman.  You won't want to miss it!  I will NOT be wearing a cute cat elf costume.  But I might be joined by my very own Christmas Monkey.

Please allow me to re-introduce myself...

Hello to familiar faces, freshly acquired friends, and those just stopping by to see what the hubbub is all about.  It has been suggested that I should re-introduce myself, as there are a lot of new folks buzzing around the place.  It's quite possible that it might be a little confusing for newcomers who stumble into the middle of a rant about Garfield or the Biggest Loser.  So here goes:

I am Neyland D. Catt.  Yes.  A cat.  A feline.  There are tons of cats out there with blogs and many of them have been at this for lots longer than I have.  There is a community of sorts.  On most of these blogs you will find humorous pictures of cats, heartwarming stories, and useful tips.  They are wonderful.  Sadly, you will find almost none of that here.

Despite my best efforts, it would appear that we have a few semi-regular features here on the blog.  We have a fan letter column, inexplicably titled Letters From The Edge.  Cheerz and Jeerz will be returning soon as will another Urban Legends post.  Basically, I live in a household with two humans called Big Pinkie and the Lady, three other cats called Tiger, Anime, and Gracie, and I share stories about myself and the rest of the gang as well as my views on entertainment, pop culture, world events, and everything else under the sun.

Many visitors to the blog tell me that I'm funny.  This is quite odd, as I never intend to be humorous.  That's just the way my mind works.  Big Pinkie, on the other hand, seems to fancy himself quite the jokester.  He sometimes rips off Terry Pratchett by way of the little asterix gimmick.*

*This would be the little asterix gimmick he is referring to.  If you know of Terry Pratchett, I'm sure you will agree that he does it better.**

**If you know Terry Pratchett personally... please don't tell him.  We are allergic to lawyers.


Yeah.  That was annoying right?  Anyway.  I am a cat blogger who is here to entertain you.  I will use all that I have at my disposal to make that happen.  If you're not sure if this blog is for you, then take a few minutes to look back at some of our older posts.  We have had some doozies.  I have told terrifying halloween tales, interviewed a celebrity (which has turned into an all out war with Lady Gaga), written poetry, given insight into the Biggest Loser and Dancing With the Stars, and even occasionally posted a cute picture of a cat.

I think you will find something here to entertain you.  Please join us.  We are not a cult.  However, your adoration and worship is welcome.


Neyland D. Catt

A slightly sidewise view.  Get used to that.

It's Fall Preview Time!

Hello once more my dear four-legged and upright friends!

Welcome back to your one-stop shop for intelligent and insightful feline commentary on the world around us! It has been a while hasn't it? I feel I owe my legion of fans (I don't care what Big Pinkie says about the Followers counter-I know there are millions of you lurking out there anonymously!) an explanation. By explanation, I mean a better and more accurate one than the great pink goof offered yesterday. It all started after my Old Man Winter post back in December...


There I was... out in the wilds with nothing but the stark white of snow all around me and the depths of blackest night above me. I was stalking my enemy, the one they called Old Man Winter, the foe of all cats everywhere. My companions had long since fallen by the wayside. Tiger, my closest ally, had spotted a field mouse and darted after it. I tried to stop him, but he was gone in an instant in the swirling snow. (In his defense, the mouse did call him names and threw rocks at him.) Gracie, the little grey ghost, had hidden under the bed when I mentioned going outside. She was useless to my quest. Anime, the fierce female warrior-cat, had fallen victim to the siren-call of the kibble dish shortly after plunging into the snow. So, I was alone.

I found the beast somewhere in the trees. It growled with an unearthly rage and leapt at me from the shadows. Through gritted teeth I fought it back as its grim fangs and poisonous talons came relentlessly at me. How long we fought, I do not know. Was it mere moments? Hours? Days? I could not say then and I still cannot. Time had lost all meaning in that tangle of fur, scale, and fang! I crawled back towards the house, badly injured and was found by Tiger. I told him that I had found Old Man Winter and slew him in the woods. Anime patted my brow gently and explained sadly that I had not in fact found Old Man Winter. It was merely a giant three-headed troll that attacked me that night.

Now then... most of you will have no trouble believing this perfectly reasonable tale and could see that it might take some time to properly recuperate from such a trying encounter. Big Pinkie, on the other hand, tells a completely different tale. In his version of the story, there are no trolls, no Old Man Winter, and no climactic battle between good and evil. He claims that I am just not as young as I used to be and that climbing trees at my age might not be such a good idea. I merely shake my head sadly and explain, "You weren't there man. You weren't there."*

So, there you have it. The real reason I have been missing from this space for so long. Now on to more pressing business: the future! Consider this a Fall Preview. No, not the TV Fall Preview, though we will get to a bit of that down the road. I mean a preview of what's to come here in the space over the next few months. I will be returning to some things I had planned to do early this year, like my celebrity interviews. Those will quite entertaining I assure you! Also, I will re-introduce the members of our little household for those of you who might have forgotten them. (I'm not sure I got around to all of them anyway!) I will bring you some tidbits from the set of Neyland: the Motion Picture and of course, I will continue to deliver insight into this crazy world of ours. Come back tomorrow won't you? I will comment on all the things I should have been commenting on over the last 8 months! In one post!!!

'till tomorrow my comrades-on-earth,
Neyland D. Catt

*- In Neyland's defense, I actually wasn't there, so who knows? ---Big Pinkie**

**- Sincere apologies to Terry Pratchett for stealing his asterix footnote thing for this post. ---Big Pinkie again.