Howdy kids. Neyland D. Catt back for a second post in two days. That's practically a record! I haven't bashed on all the Hollywood types in a while, so today is my day to get my fix! Prepare yourselves for a round of informative mockery of the latest happenings in Entertainment Town...
First up: Miley Cyrus smokes a bong in a video!
Gasp! Say it ain't so! Let's face it, Miley is not a little kid anymore. She is a young adult now. Young adults, especially those with lots of money and fame, see their IQ's drop by at least half for a period of around 8 to 10 years. They will do extraordinarily stupid things just because they have the option to. This is the period of time that nature uses to try and kill off the truly, terminally stupid. I won't even get into the debate of whether she was smoking salvia or marijuana. Really doesn't matter much. My gut tells me that Miley will survive her wild-child years with at least some of her dignity intact. However, she will probably end up on Dancing With The Stars at some point. Not sure what will remain of her dignity after that.
"The Hasselhoffs" Cancelled after 2 episodes!
Wow. Didn't even make it long enough to get re-runs to air forever in Germany. This is good news folks. This struck a blow for good taste across the world. Combine this with his hasty exit from Dancing With The Stars and you have a clear message: America is sick of David Hasselhoff! Seriously, dude, if you were a cat, you'd have used up all 9 lives 15 years ago. Give it up. The whole Zombie craze is starting to fade anyway.*
Racy Pics of Christina Aguilera leaked!
Not really sure this news. Christina has been "racy" for as long as I can remember. Maybe they were pictures of her fully clothed and being demure? It amazes me that stars are shocked when stuff like this comes out. Really?! You were surprised that pictures of you in some bondage outfit made it to the internet? There was someone standing right in front of you with a camera! Taking pictures! In this day and age, everyone and I do mean EVERYONE, has a digital gizmo on them at all times. Chances are it can take pictures. Or video. Or 3D. Or 4D with smell-o-vision. The point is, if you don't want the video of you making out with an armadillo showing up on the internet, then don't make out with the armadillo. Or at least check him for cameras first.
SpaceX launches Dragon capsule into orbit!
What does this have to do with Hollywood you might ask? Nothing. Except that once again, we sent a spaceship off the planet and missed the opportunity to send Lady GaGa with it!
See you kids later! I'd write more, but I have to go take a wiki-leak.**
Neyland D. Catt
*Neyland actually believes that David Hasselhoff is a zombie. I've tried correcting him, but he does offer up some compelling evidence.
**He has no idea what the whole Wikileaks thing is all about. He has simply borrowed the term to describe going to the bathroom. That's my boy.
Showing posts with label zombies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label zombies. Show all posts
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Vampires suck.
Hello gang, Neylo here again. Not feeling very well. I think I'm coming down with something.
Yeah. Im definitely getting sick... of vampires. Vampires suck. (No pun intended.) Can you think of anything else so overdone and overexposed in this day and age? OK. Maybe zombies. And certainly Lady Gaga, but vampires are at the top of the list! Big Pinkie and The Lady watched Twilight today. I thought I was going to have to cough up the mother of all hairballs. Then I realized I was just choking on the absurdity of the situation. First off, where are all of the cats in this ludicrous film? I'll tell you where. They are staying safely out of it all. No respectable feline would be caught anywhere near that train wreck.
***Neyland Factoid*** Cats are excellent movie critics. In fact, you may be surprised to learn that most respected critics that you assume are human are in fact cats. Leonard Malten? Half cat on his mother's side. Gene Shallot? Actually a cat in an elaborate human prosthetic to hide the truth. (Didn't hide it very well in my opinion.)
Today's vampires are a far cry from where they once were or should be. Vampires used to monsters. They were to be feared. Nowadays they are meant to be lusted after in a shallow and vapid manner. "You're so beautiful..." HACK! COUGH! I just can't swallow it. Sure, he's an undead beast with an insatiable thirst for blood, but he's so darn cute! Seriously?! If I didn't know better I would think that vampires were real and Hollywood is trying to romanticize them to allow the vampire minority to fit in to society better. Was Dracula Casanova's cousin? What am I missing here? The CW's Vampire Diaries are even worse. I mean, it's basically the same but you have to watch it play out every week instead of just ripping off the bandaid with a feature film. At least True Blood has some frightening moments it. Still the same weak, superficial romance junk though. All I am saying is that there is nothing to be admired about a species that has an unstoppable drive to feed symbiotically off of another species. OK, I'm done now. Time to hold Big Pinkie down for a nap and absorb all of his body heat.
So long for now,
Neyland D. Cat
Yeah. Im definitely getting sick... of vampires. Vampires suck. (No pun intended.) Can you think of anything else so overdone and overexposed in this day and age? OK. Maybe zombies. And certainly Lady Gaga, but vampires are at the top of the list! Big Pinkie and The Lady watched Twilight today. I thought I was going to have to cough up the mother of all hairballs. Then I realized I was just choking on the absurdity of the situation. First off, where are all of the cats in this ludicrous film? I'll tell you where. They are staying safely out of it all. No respectable feline would be caught anywhere near that train wreck.
***Neyland Factoid*** Cats are excellent movie critics. In fact, you may be surprised to learn that most respected critics that you assume are human are in fact cats. Leonard Malten? Half cat on his mother's side. Gene Shallot? Actually a cat in an elaborate human prosthetic to hide the truth. (Didn't hide it very well in my opinion.)
Today's vampires are a far cry from where they once were or should be. Vampires used to monsters. They were to be feared. Nowadays they are meant to be lusted after in a shallow and vapid manner. "You're so beautiful..." HACK! COUGH! I just can't swallow it. Sure, he's an undead beast with an insatiable thirst for blood, but he's so darn cute! Seriously?! If I didn't know better I would think that vampires were real and Hollywood is trying to romanticize them to allow the vampire minority to fit in to society better. Was Dracula Casanova's cousin? What am I missing here? The CW's Vampire Diaries are even worse. I mean, it's basically the same but you have to watch it play out every week instead of just ripping off the bandaid with a feature film. At least True Blood has some frightening moments it. Still the same weak, superficial romance junk though. All I am saying is that there is nothing to be admired about a species that has an unstoppable drive to feed symbiotically off of another species. OK, I'm done now. Time to hold Big Pinkie down for a nap and absorb all of his body heat.
So long for now,
Neyland D. Cat
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