Wednesday, December 9, 2009

What does Global Warming have to do with cats?

So here I am, basking in the last fading shaft of sunlight, thinking about Global Warming. This subject came up earlier in the day when Big Pinkie starting ranting on and on about it. Blah, blah, blah, climate change, blah. I nodded off once I realized he wasn't addressing me personally, but I couldn't help thinking about it again later. I decided that it would be invaluable for you all to have a cat's perspective on the matter. Who better than myself, with the application of such a nimble mind and inimitable wit to give you.... sorry. Lost my whole train of thought there. A bird flew past the window. A plump bird that was just a bit slower than the others... I'm digressing again.

Back to the subject at hand. Global Warming. As a cat, I personally see no issue with the prospect. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for a cat to get warm even in the best of conditions? We spend most of our time trying to pin down a human so we can leech away all of their body heat. That's not even considering what it's like for those who spend their days outdoors like animals! Poor souls.

I realize though, that you nearly-furless uprights might have a different view of the problem. After all, you really don't have anything left to shed when the temp starts rising and nobody really wants to see your flesh flapping around. The solution, I think, is obvious. Turn the temperature back down. Why is it so hard for you to figure that out? Just like last night, when the wind was blowing like a tornado and the rain was hammering down and I wanted to go outside. Big Pinkie comes and opens the door, then gets furious when I didn't go out. "He keeps scratching at the door but won't go out when I open the door!" he screamed. Well, obviously, I wanted to go out, but not in those conditions. Why didn't he just turn off the rain? Don't act like you humans can't do it. I see it all the time. That little rain booth in the crapper for instance.

Anyway, I'm sure I had a point around here somewhere. Call me if you find it because it seems to have escaped me. Ah. Yes. So, from a cat's perspective we want more warming. So, I have concocted a scheme to build a spaceship. I will call it Cat Star One. I will fly this wondrous rocket into the stratosphere (dare I say Catosphere?) and will claw a gigantic hole in your precious oh-zone layer. Upon reading this plan over my shoulder, Big Pinkie proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. That's right Big Pinkie, just keep laughing. Keep laughing.

Till the morrow good friends when I will tell you all about the Biggest Loser,

Neyland D. Cat

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