Saturday, September 11, 2010

Letters from the edge

Good day old chums!

Neyland D. Catt back for a rare Saturday post! Big Pinkie and I have decided that in the spirit of catching up after our long absence, we should go through some of my old fan mail that I never got to answer. This obviously is not all of it. We might be forced to hire support personnel just to wade through the voluminous mountains of mail. We have, however, selected a few tasty morsels... damn. Now I've gone and made myself hungry for a big bowl of Tender Vittles!

Letter 1:

Dear Neyland,

Why did you have to be so mean to Tiger? There is no reason to call anyone fat and verbally abuse them in public! This was in poor taste and shows flawed judgement on your part. Tiger seems like a perfectly pleasant cat. I think you should apologize.

Susie P.

Well Susie, I very nearly fell for your little ploy! I almost felt genuine remorse for comments on the fatty. Then I remembered that the name of the person who sells the jumbo bags of kibble at the local CattCo just happened to be Susie! That's right! You have no moral objection to Tiger being verbally abused! You are just afraid that you will lose sale commissions if he decides to go on a diet! Shame on you Susie, you selfish, selfish little girl. Thanks for your letter!

Letter 2:

To whom it may concern,

I am getting sick and tired of that orange cat prowling around in my field! I live next door and have the farm that stretches all the way to the next road. That cat howls all night and drives me crazy! He has also left little paw-prints all over my truck and pooped in my old lady's flower bed! Next time I see him around here, I'm getting my shotgun!

Farmer Joe

Ah, Farmer Joe. The angry little man who thinks he owns the earth. My ancestors were roaming those fields for centuries before your kind showed up pal! I have as much right, if not more, to that land. Howling all night long? You mean bellowing out war cries while I protect your home from trolls? You're welcome. Paw-prints on your truck? That's a free autograph buddy. Most people have to pay for it. Poopin' in your old lady's flower bed? Those dandelions weren't going to make it without additional fertilizer. Tell you what Joe, you bring the shotgun and I'll bring just my bare paws and I'll show you just how ninja I can be. Thanks for the letter!

Letter 3:

DEer Nay-Land,

TiGEr iz KoOl!!!


Anonymous letter eh? I know it's you Tiger. Even your words look fat. Plus, there was beef gravy on the letter. I hope Pinkie at least actually made you take the letter to the mailbox. You need the exercise.

OK. that's all the time we have for today. What? Not enough for you? It's the weekend! What do you expect? I have a long afternoon of sleeping in a sunbeam, eating, and pooping. (And not necessarily in that order!) You guys will have to wait for Monday. Oh yeah! Monday... I will tell you all about Big Pinkie and The Lady on their little vacation!

See you cats and cat-wannabe's Monday!
Neyland D. Catt

P.S. Here are some links from today's Blog Hop! This is my first blog hop and I hope Neyland doesn't ruin it! ---Big Pinkie


  1. Hey, I think a bowl of tender vittles sounds like an excellent idea!!!

  2. Hi - just hopping by! You sound like a very wise cat! I live with 3 felines and we all get along quite well - as long as I do what they say!

    I am your newest follower. Hope we can be friends.

    Your pal, Pip