Monday, October 4, 2010

Letters from the edge #3

Welcome back to Neyland's House of Cool!  "Wrong address buddy" to all of those who came here looking for the computer virus that attacked Iran's nuclear facility.  It wasn't me.

That's right.  It's time for another edition of Letters from the Edge, where I answer a few of questions or comments from my legion of underlings fans.  Yes, I usually do this on Saturday, but this was an action-packed weekend so I'm running a little behind (something Tiger wouldn't know anything about!  A little behind?  Get it?  Nevermind).  On to the letters...

Letter #1 - 

Dear Neyland,

     Why don't you let Anime write a weekly post?  We all like her very much and think it would be interesting and entertaining to hear more from her.  Just a thought.

Peggy J.
Rossville, GA

Well, Peggy... way to smack a cat right in the face!  Want some more Anime do ya?  Ol' Neyland just doesn't quite give you the same thrill anymore eh?  Fine!  Anime can finish the rest of this letter for me!  Go ahead Anime...

Anime: Uh.  Hi?

Whoo boy!  That was some brilliant stuff there wasn't it?  I can see why you want more of that Peggy!  I'm amazed she isn't already working professionally.  Tell you what Peggy, when I retire, I will personally hand over the reigns to Anime Jingle Socks.  Then you can re-live that incredible "Uh.  Hi?" each and every day.

Letter #2 - 

Dear Mr. Catt,
     I am a huge admirer of your work and feel that you are wise beyond your years.  I therefore come before you most humbly to ask... what is the meaning of life?

Pete. W.
New York, NY

What??  Really?  I finally get somebody writing in who recognizes my greatness and he doesn't even know the meaning of "life"?  Get a dictionary pal.  I've got more important things to do.

Letter #3 - 

Dear Neyland,

     Why do you hate Lady Gaga so much?  What has she ever done to you?  I personally think she is a fantastic entertainer and should be treated with more respect.

Stefani J. A. G.
Somewhere in Hollywood

Well Stefani, she has threatened to unleash a rabid horde of feral lawyers on me.  That's one reason not to like her.  However, the big thing is that I don't believe in Lady Gaga.  Much like I don't believe in Santa Claus.  I believe she is a figment of someone else's imagination who keeps intruding on my reality.  A "fantastic entertainer" you say?  Exactly.  Much the same way that Professional Wrestlers are "sports entertainers".  Much the same as the Lottery tickets are "entertainment purposes only".
Apparently, entertainment = fake.  

Stefani, I don't like GaGa because GaGa is fake.  She is a brand.  When the Great Entertainment War begins and Katy Perry and Lady GaGa meet on the field of battle wearing 60 foot tall suits of bedazzled armor... I hope they both lose.*

That's all the time I have for today!  Remember to stop by tomorrow for a good ol' scary story!

Neyland D. Catt

*Neyland seems to have this theory that the Apocalypse will be fought by celebrities.  His idea of Ms. Perry and Ms. GaGa battling it out in giant mechanized cartoon armor - godzilla movie style - might just have some basis in reality.  The SyFy channel is certainly interested. 
                                                                                                       ----Big Pinkie

1 comment:

  1. You look at the world through cat eyes...of course You are the center of the Universe.