Thursday, December 17, 2009

Vampires suck.

Hello gang, Neylo here again. Not feeling very well. I think I'm coming down with something.
Yeah. Im definitely getting sick... of vampires. Vampires suck. (No pun intended.) Can you think of anything else so overdone and overexposed in this day and age? OK. Maybe zombies. And certainly Lady Gaga, but vampires are at the top of the list! Big Pinkie and The Lady watched Twilight today. I thought I was going to have to cough up the mother of all hairballs. Then I realized I was just choking on the absurdity of the situation. First off, where are all of the cats in this ludicrous film? I'll tell you where. They are staying safely out of it all. No respectable feline would be caught anywhere near that train wreck.

***Neyland Factoid*** Cats are excellent movie critics. In fact, you may be surprised to learn that most respected critics that you assume are human are in fact cats. Leonard Malten? Half cat on his mother's side. Gene Shallot? Actually a cat in an elaborate human prosthetic to hide the truth. (Didn't hide it very well in my opinion.)

Today's vampires are a far cry from where they once were or should be. Vampires used to monsters. They were to be feared. Nowadays they are meant to be lusted after in a shallow and vapid manner. "You're so beautiful..." HACK! COUGH! I just can't swallow it. Sure, he's an undead beast with an insatiable thirst for blood, but he's so darn cute! Seriously?! If I didn't know better I would think that vampires were real and Hollywood is trying to romanticize them to allow the vampire minority to fit in to society better. Was Dracula Casanova's cousin? What am I missing here? The CW's Vampire Diaries are even worse. I mean, it's basically the same but you have to watch it play out every week instead of just ripping off the bandaid with a feature film. At least True Blood has some frightening moments it. Still the same weak, superficial romance junk though. All I am saying is that there is nothing to be admired about a species that has an unstoppable drive to feed symbiotically off of another species. OK, I'm done now. Time to hold Big Pinkie down for a nap and absorb all of his body heat.

So long for now,

Neyland D. Cat

2 comments:

  1. Don't like vampires either. It's a fad, next year Vampires and Lady Gaga will be working at the local Burger King. Hang in there..

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  2. Good point. Frightening thought tho... Vampire Lady Gaga!!!

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