Welcome back to Ol' Neyland's little slice of the interwebbernets. Today, I'm ripping off the whole Cheers and Jeers gimmick. I have safely protected myself from highly trained ninja lawyers by changing a few carefully selected letters. Using a "z" instead of an "s" also gives me more street cred. So without further ado (a great thing for those who are allergic to ado) here we go:
Cheerz - Crazy Cat Ladies
Where would we be without crazy ladies who collect cats like nerds (Big Pinkie) collect comic books? Many of us would be homeless. Out on the street fending for ourselves. These wonderful souls rescue us from a life of crime. Granted, most of us would be criminal masterminds, but you get the point. Kudos to them for doting on us properly and helping to stop cat-on-cat crime.
Jeerz - Cat Haters
Really. Give it a rest. I'm pretty sure no one is forcing felines upon you at gunpoint. If you don't like cats, fine. Don't own one. But there's no need to hate an entire species. Unless its spiders.
Cheerz - Cats on Christmas Cards
I realize that I may be biased, but there is nothing so adorable as cats wishing everyone a merry Christmas. We simply put everyone in a happy place when they get the cards.
Jeerz - Halloween
Why must we always be portrayed as the willing assistant to a diabolical witch every October? I myself don't even know any witches. Do all cats that aren't solid black and hiss a lot just go hide somewhere for an entire holiday? This promotes the sense that cats are inherently evil and is a sweeping uneducated generalization of an entire species. Spiders however, are properly characterized.
Cheerz - Heathcliff the Cat
This less well known cartoon cat was quick-witted and savvy. He knew how to get out of a jam and was loved by his friends.
Jeerz - Garfield the Cat
Thanks Garfield. Thanks for stereotyping an entire generation of felines as selfish, lazy, bloated, lasagna lovers. We were once worshipped as gods by the Egyptians. Now we hate Mondays.
Cheerz - Tailchaser's Song by Tad Williams
This is a classic tale of cat ingenuity framed in a thrilling adventure. If there were more cat stories like this, we wouldn't hate Mondays anymore.
Jeerz - Cats Suck! by Timmy McGinty
Okay, so not many people have heard of this story. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be jeered. Keep it up Timmy and I'll make sure you never get out of Mrs. Johnson's third grade class!
That's all for now gang. I'll be back tomorrow. Join me. You lasagna lovers you.
Neyland D. Catt