Neylo here. It's been a few days, but when you read what I have for you, you'll understand why. It has been a goal of mine to feature celebrity interviews here. Today, that goal is realized. I, Neyland D. Catt, have interviewed Lady BlahBlah. Lady DaDa. Whatever her name is. Anyway, I conducted a phone interview with this obviously dynamic and important lady. It took several days to edit this into a viewable form for you guys to read. Because there were expletives. So, so many expletives. Without further ado, here is my first celebrity interview...
Lady G: Hello?
Neylo: Good afternoon madame, my name is Neyland D. Catt and I would like to interview you on behalf of my readers.
Lady G: I don't know you. How did you get my number?
Neylo: I have my ways. I am very persistent. Now, I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Lady G: Are you some kind of stalker?
Neylo: No, ma'am. I'm a cat.
Lady G: What? I'm hanging up now.
Neylo: I don't think you really want to do that. You see, I am a close personal friend of an old alley cat named Freddie. Freddie's brother is an acquaintance of yours I believe. You knew him in your youth as Mr. Bubbles? Mr. Bubbles has told us a great deal of very interesting things about your past. I really don't want to have to print those things Miss HaHa.
Lady G: GaGa.
Lady G: Nevermind. Look, what do you want from me?
Neylo: Just answers to some questions. Burning questions that are on the minds of your fans and the public in general.
Lady G: Okay. I give you three questions. Fire away you little degenerate.
Neylo: Degenerate? My dear... people who live in glass houses shouldn't sling mud.
Lady G: What the *bleep* does that mean?
Neylo: Quiet. I'm the one asking the questions around here now. Alright, first question: Are you really criminally insane or is this just how you make vapid people interested in you?
Lady G: What kind of question is that? I'm not answering that you *bleep*ing *bleep*!
Neylo: Right-o. Criminally insane it is then. Next question: Do you think anyone will remember your name in year?
Lady G: I'm getting pretty *bleep*ing sick of this whole *bleep*ing thing! Keep it up and I'll send one of my bodyguards to rip your *bleep*ing tail off and *bleep* you in the *bleep* with a *bleep*!
Neylo: Hmm... I'll just put no comment then shall I, Miss TaTa?
Lady G: Aaaarghh!
Neylo: Last question, and most important in my opinion: Team Edward or Team Jacob?
Lady G: Both. Probably at the same time.
Neylo: You are a sick, twisted woman who really needs years of professional counseling. At least you'll be able to afford it, as long as you don't blow your money and go all MC Hammer. The correct answer is Neither. Both Teams should be hunted down and killed before they drag humanity back to the dark ages.
Lady G: Whatever. *click*
Neylo: Hello? Are you still there? Lady ChaCha? Well. That was rude.
So there you have it. My first ever celebrity interview. Maybe my last. Big Pinkie has been fielding phone calls from lawyers all morning. Come on back tomorrow and we'll talk about music!
Neyland D. Catt
P.S. What's a bleep?