Hello once more my dear four-legged and upright friends!
Welcome back to your one-stop shop for intelligent and insightful feline commentary on the world around us! It has been a while hasn't it? I feel I owe my legion of fans (I don't care what Big Pinkie says about the Followers counter-I know there are millions of you lurking out there anonymously!) an explanation. By explanation, I mean a better and more accurate one than the great pink goof offered yesterday. It all started after my Old Man Winter post back in December...
There I was... out in the wilds with nothing but the stark white of snow all around me and the depths of blackest night above me. I was stalking my enemy, the one they called Old Man Winter, the foe of all cats everywhere. My companions had long since fallen by the wayside. Tiger, my closest ally, had spotted a field mouse and darted after it. I tried to stop him, but he was gone in an instant in the swirling snow. (In his defense, the mouse did call him names and threw rocks at him.) Gracie, the little grey ghost, had hidden under the bed when I mentioned going outside. She was useless to my quest. Anime, the fierce female warrior-cat, had fallen victim to the siren-call of the kibble dish shortly after plunging into the snow. So, I was alone.
I found the beast somewhere in the trees. It growled with an unearthly rage and leapt at me from the shadows. Through gritted teeth I fought it back as its grim fangs and poisonous talons came relentlessly at me. How long we fought, I do not know. Was it mere moments? Hours? Days? I could not say then and I still cannot. Time had lost all meaning in that tangle of fur, scale, and fang! I crawled back towards the house, badly injured and was found by Tiger. I told him that I had found Old Man Winter and slew him in the woods. Anime patted my brow gently and explained sadly that I had not in fact found Old Man Winter. It was merely a giant three-headed troll that attacked me that night.
Now then... most of you will have no trouble believing this perfectly reasonable tale and could see that it might take some time to properly recuperate from such a trying encounter. Big Pinkie, on the other hand, tells a completely different tale. In his version of the story, there are no trolls, no Old Man Winter, and no climactic battle between good and evil. He claims that I am just not as young as I used to be and that climbing trees at my age might not be such a good idea. I merely shake my head sadly and explain, "You weren't there man. You weren't there."*
So, there you have it. The real reason I have been missing from this space for so long. Now on to more pressing business: the future! Consider this a Fall Preview. No, not the TV Fall Preview, though we will get to a bit of that down the road. I mean a preview of what's to come here in the space over the next few months. I will be returning to some things I had planned to do early this year, like my celebrity interviews. Those will quite entertaining I assure you! Also, I will re-introduce the members of our little household for those of you who might have forgotten them. (I'm not sure I got around to all of them anyway!) I will bring you some tidbits from the set of Neyland: the Motion Picture and of course, I will continue to deliver insight into this crazy world of ours. Come back tomorrow won't you? I will comment on all the things I should have been commenting on over the last 8 months! In one post!!!
'till tomorrow my comrades-on-earth,
Neyland D. Catt
*- In Neyland's defense, I actually wasn't there, so who knows? ---Big Pinkie**
**- Sincere apologies to Terry Pratchett for stealing his asterix footnote thing for this post. ---Big Pinkie again.